He was without any comforts of God - no feeling that God loved him - no feeling that God pitied him - no feeling that God supported him. God was his sun before - now that sun became all darkness...He was without God - he was as if he had no God. All that God had been to him before was taken from him now. He was Godless - deprived of his God. He had the feeling of the condemned, when the Judge says, "Depart from me, ye cursed...who shall be punished with everylasting destruction from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his power." He felt that God said the same to him.

Ah! This is the hell that Christ suffered. The ocean of Christ's sufferings is unfathomable...He was forsaken in the [place] of sinners. If you close with him, as your surety, you will never be forsaken..."My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" [The answer?] For me - for me.

Robert Murray McCheyne, Scottish minister and evangelist (1813-1843)

Yesterday marked the anniversary of the death of the Scottish preacher, Robert Murray McCheyne, who died in 1843, aged only 29 years old. His short life and ministry was marked by great revival amongst his congregation in Dundee and some wonderful writings now known all over the world. If you think you have never heard of him before, you might be surprised to discover that it was him who designed the Bible reading plan (aimed to take his congregation through the Old Testament once and New Testament twice throughout the year together) and who wrote a number of beautiful hymns, including Jehovah Tsidkenu.

I once was a stranger to grace and to God,
I knew not my danger, and felt not my load;
Though friends spoke in rapture of Christ on the tree,
Jehovah Tsidkenu was nothing to me.

I oft read with pleasure, to sooth or engage,
Isaiah’s wild measure and John’s simple page;
But e’en when they pictured the blood sprinkled tree
Jehovah Tsidkenu seemed nothing to me.

Like tears from the daughters of Zion that roll,
I wept when the waters went over His soul;
Yet thought not that my sins had nailed to the tree
Jehovah Tsidkenu—’twas nothing to me.

When free grace awoke me, by light from on high,
Then legal fears shook me, I trembled to die;
No refuge, no safety in self could I see—
Jehovah Tsidkenu my Saviour must be.

My terrors all vanished before the sweet name;
My guilty fears banished, with boldness I came
To drink at the fountain, life giving and free—
Jehovah Tsidkenu is all things to me.

Jehovah Tsidkenu! my treasure and boast,
Jehovah Tsidkenu! I ne’er can be lost;
In thee I shall conquer by flood and by field,
My cable, my anchor, my breast-plate and shield!

Even treading the valley, the shadow of death,
This “watchword” shall rally my faltering breath;
For while from life’s fever my God sets me free,
Jehovah Tsidkenu, my death song shall be.

In his days Judah will be saved, and Israel will dwell securely. And this is the name by which he will be called: 'The LORD is our righteousness.
Jeremiah 23:6

After last year's Fall into Reading challenge from Callapidder Days, Katrina is encouraging us to return to our bookshelves with the Spring Reading Thing 2007. She writes:

Have you fallen behind on your To-Be-Read list? Do you have five books that you've started but haven't finished? Have you been meaning to get around to that great book your friend recommended but just haven't done it yet? Do you love to read and to find out what everyone else is reading? Then this challenge is for you!

I've spent some time looking through my bookshelves and the piles of books that sit waiting for more bookshelves to be built to pick some that I hope to read before the end of the challenge. Feel free to steal any of my ideas or to suggest any that you think I should read in the future!

Practical Prayer
by Derek Prime
After hearing him speak on prayer a few years ago, this has been one of the most useful books I own. Things have been a bit more difficult recently, so I think I need to read this - then, more importantly, put it in to practice!





The Inheritance of Loss
by Kiran Desai
I was given this as a present for my birthday, so you can tell how long it has been sitting on my bookshelf. She loved it but I've tried to read it a few times but not got past the first chapter yet...





A Third Testament
by Malcolm Muggeridge
This looks at the spiritual lives of some very influential men of God throughout the ages, such as Augustine of Hippo, Blaise Pascal, Fyodor Dostoevsky and Deitrich Bonhoeffer. I've read a lot of their writings so I am looking forward to learning more about them.




Perfecting Ourselves to Death
by Richard Winter
This is described on the back as "the 'perfect' book for those who struggle with perfectionism". I know that I tend towards this so it will be helpful to look at the positive and negative sides of perfectionism and what to do about it.




How to Read a Paper: The basics of evidence based medicine
by Trisha Greenhalgh
My final entry is really for work. I've got a few interviews coming up so this will be good to read - it currently just sits on my bookshelf looking impressive!






Be as careful of the books you read, as of the company you keep; for your habits and character will be as much influenced by the former as by the latter.
Edwin Paxton Hood, American minister (1820-1885)

Today there are just too many things to do. My natural response is to fret and fear. Both are forbidden: Fret not. Fear not. That tells me what not to do. What, then, should I do?

I will run the course set out in thy commandments, for they gladden my heart (Ps 119:32 NEB).

There will be both time and strength today to run that course, for it is always possible to do the will of God. The course He sets for us in his commandments is not an obstacle course, but one carefully planned to suit our qualifications - that is, not too rigorous for our limitations, not too lenient for our strengths.

The plan of God for me, for this one day, is meant not to trouble but to gladden my heart. Christ's yoke, according to his own promise, is not hard but easy - if we bear it together with Him and if we bear it as Christ bore it, in meekness and lowliness of heart.

We must run with resolution the race for which we are entered, our eyes fixed on Jesus, on whom faith depends from start to finish (Heb 12:2 NEB).

Elisabeth Elliot, American writer and missionary (1926-)
From A Lamp Unto My Feet and found at Rocks in my Dryer

I have been clearing out piles of paper in preparation for packing up and moving house and have found another interesting letter from a friend (the same one as gave me the article about Fasting and Feasting in Lent) that I thought I would share.

All this uncertainty about jobs has made me evaluate what I achieved so far in my personal, professional and spiritual life. Sitting on the floor of my study this morning with the Spiritual Gifts Analysis has given me so much to think about regarding what I want my spiritual life to be (like when I have to tick "occasionally" rather than "almost always") and what my role in the life of my local church and the wider Church should be. After much hunting, I've found an Internet version (the definite advantage being that this does the sums for you!) and would welcome your thoughts on the questionnaire itself and on your own answers.

Pursue love, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts.
1 Corinthians 1:1a-b

Our house group is revising basic Christianity using Tim Keller's Gospel Christianity study guide. We are learning so much by going back to the stripped down beliefs of our faith.

Last night we looked at the problem of sin and learnt that there are three words used for sin in the Old Testament. I had never been aware of this before so wanted to share it. In Psalm 51, David uses all three words to convey the depth of his sin.

Avah - Twisted out of shape
Psalm 51:2a - iniquity
This describes a heart that is not centred in God and instead has its centre on distorted views of self, God and the world and wrong desires. It shows how deep an complex sin can be, yet it might not be committed deliberately or might be something good being misused or twisted into something bad.

Chatha - Missing the target
Psalm 51:2b - sin
This reminds that sin includes acts of omission are just as bad as sins of comission, the ones we do deliberately. We are called to live for God's glory, loving him with all our heart and soul and strength and loving our neighbours as ourselves. When we fail in this, we are equally sinning.

Pasha - Wilfully rebelling
Psalm 51:1 - transgression
God holds us responsible for our actions, however much we deceieve ourselves that we commit sin unwillingly. We act like Adam who blamed God for giving him Eve, who then blamed the serpent, all refusing to take the blame and the responsibility.

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!
Psalm 51:1-2

The righteous, loving Father humbled himself to become in and through his only Son's flesh, sin and a curse for us, in order to redeem us without compromising his own character. The biblical gospel of atonement is of God satisfying himself by substituting himself for us...The concept of substitution may be said, then, to live at the heart of both sin and salvation. For the essence of sin in man substituting himself for God, while the essence of salvation is God substituting himself for man. Man asserts himself against God and puts himself where only God deserves to be; God sacrifices himself for man and puts himself where only man deserves to be. Man claims prerogatives which belong to God alone; God accepts penalties which belong to man alone.

John Stott, The Cross of Christ (IVP, 1986)

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
1 John 4:10

My internet connection has been playing up all day and crashing at regular intervals, so the lengthy post that I had written about the talks from the church weekend away on Jesus as Priest, Prophet and King will have to be rewritten for tomorrow.

I just wanted to let you know that after all the stress of filling in those job applications, the results of shortlisting came out today. I have interviews for all four areas where I applied: Scotland, Newcastle (because it's close to the border!), Oxford and Cambridge!

The interviews are spread over a month and start in a few weeks, giving me time to find a suit to wear! After talking about my carbon footprint, I'll be flying across the country so much over the next few weeks, getting to interviews then getting back here to start work.

While driving to work this morning, getting more and more nervous to know the results which were published at 9am, I saw a rainbow in the sky and it brought me to prayer. It reminded me that God really is in control of everything, including those consultants and that computer. He is sovereign over everything and has promised that nothing can overcome us. His plans stand for ever to all generations. He will not forget his covenant with us so, whatever happens with jobs, I know I have rest and security in this. Thank you all for your continued prayers and encouragement!

When the bow is in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.
Genesis 9:16

God is a Spirit, infinite, eternal, and unchangeable in his being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth.

It is through that Spirit of God that we worship him and through the Spirit that we are drawn towards him(John 4:24).

God is omnipresent and fills the heaven and the earth (Jeremiah 23:24). He has always been present from before the beginning of time (Psalm 90:2). He remains constant and cannot act outwith his own character of love, justice and goodness (James 1:17).

He is above and beyond human intelligence. We can not comprehend the extent of his wisdom and understanding (Psalm 147:5). God demonstrates his wisdom through the use of his power (Job 12:13) and by bestowing his wisdom upon his people (Daniel 2:20-22).

God is omnipotent(Job 42:2). He is El-Shaddai, God Almighty (Genesis 17:1). That power is demonstrated to the whole world through the act of his creation (Romans 1:20). It is through that might that God raised Jesus from the dead and, in the same way, will resurrect us on the Last Day (1 Cor 6:14).

Another name of God is Holy (Isaiah 57:15). In heaven, he is worshipped by creatures praising his holiness and eternal nature (Revelation 4:8). Because God is holy, we are called to be holy and to set ourselves apart for him (1 Peter 1:15-16).

God is a just and fair judge over his people (Deut 32:4). He cannot be anything but righteous (Zephaniah 3:5). He will one day judge the world and each person according to their righteousness (1 Kings 8:32).

"The Lord our God is good, his mercy is forever sure" (Psalm 100:5). Through his goodness, he reaches out to draw sinners to him and guides them along his way (Psalm 25:8). We respond to that goodness by praising him for it (Psalm 106:1).

God cannot lie or change his mind (Titus 1:1-2) and will fulfill the promises has made (Numbers 23:19). When we know this, we can trust him with everything (Psalm 31:5). We can trust him because we know that he has revealed himself and his character through the Bible which is his unerring word.

This week's Carnival of Beauty visits A Dusty Frame where we gather to discuss the Beauty of Mary and Martha.

I am such a Martha. I can see myself in her the time she invited Jesus into her home. There she is, flapping around "distracted with much serving" and "anxious and troubled about many things", forgetting (choosing to forget?) that the real need in my life is to listen to the teachings of Jesus.

Things must have changed for Martha in her faith and relationship with Jesus when she goes on to confess her faith in him as the Lord and Messiah. In her distress at the death of her brother, Lazarus, Mary and Marth both flap a little, blaming Jesus for not having come sooner. Martha, on hearing that Jesus is coming, goes to meet him while Mary stays at home. When they meet, she declares, "I believe you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world."

As I read through Martha's story this week, I was reminded of how much I am like her, but also that Jesus loved her. I want things to be perfect before going to Jesus, I want to have things sorted, I don't want to bother him with trivialities. Instead I should follow Mary's example and sit at my Lord's feet, listening to his teaching and casting my burdens on him because he loves me.

But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:41-42

I've told you before about my Bible study group for young women. It is intended for older students and young graduates to provide support and fellowship over what can be a very challenging transition. We now have a core group of 10 young women who meet regularly to discuss faith and doctrine over huge quantities of tea and scones. (We are clearly a British bible study group!)

Originally we studied Biblical Womanhood, looking at being made in God's image, the Fall, marriage, singleness, beauty and modesty, the church, relationships with our brothers and sisters, and our relationship with God. We learned so much together, discussing the challenges in going against prevailing culture. At the same time, we have faced many difficult issues including purity, domestic violence, abuse, and remarriage after divorce. It has been hard to look at these issues but, through lengthy Bible study, discussion and prayer, we have been able to work through them and so tried to find practical Biblical answers.

For our next study, we decided we would study a book of the Bible rather than a theme, so we are now studying Zechariah. It's an unusual choice, but it has been so encouraging to study God's word to those struggling Israelites.

So far, we have seen that we need, like the Israelites, to return to God as individuals, as churches and as a society. God's work of salvation is finished - our sin has been sent away, the sacrifice is complete, we are forgiven and righteous in his sight, and he has the victory. To us as his people, he has promised his presence and blessing and promised to rebuild his church to be his final dwelling place and home of his glory. We must live in light of eternity, knowing that, along with our promised salvation, there is a promise of judgement on those who have rejected God. Now, until Judgement Day comes or we are called home, we are to share this good news with the whole earth. In our next study, we are looking at what it means to follow a religion and to have a living faith.

(Can I also take a moment to recommend the Good Book Company (or Matthias Media for my Australian friends), an evangelical Christian publisher, for good solid Bible study resources? Their studies and daily devotionals have minimal digressions into the 'nice stories' that plague many other Bible study books and are firmly based in Scripture with strong evangelical teaching.)

Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children.
Deuteronomy 4:9

It's taken me a long time to write this and even longer to decide to post it, so please take your time to read these first paragraphs before moving on to the rest.

If I'm honest, the only reason this will be published is that none of my family knows this blog exists. I don't write this dwelling in pity or looking for sympathy and I hope that your comments will reflect that. It was only through speaking to a Christian friend that I realised that others did feel this way even if nobody openly admits it. Instead I want to share part of my experience that I know others have faced, but I've never seen others write about it in the hope that it might help others in a similar position.

When I discovered that my little sister was pregnant, my very first reaction was not of joy or excitement but of pain. (There - I've said it. What do you think of me now?)

Why did I (and, as I was so thankful to discover, along with others) feel the pain of a burning skewer suddenly stabbing my heart? One part of it might be as the eldest daughter, I feel in some way that the first grandchild was my 'responsibility'. No-one in my family seems to realise that the little jokes that "She's beaten you to it" actually cause me pain.

Another aspect is my strong desire to be a wife and mother with no present opportunity to fulfill that. I have friends who are married who have struggled terribly with this as they try unsuccessfully to have children as everyone else around them seems to be having no difficulties. It makes me sad too that the birth of this child is not the completely joyous event that it should be. The emotions of our family have ranged from shock, anger, disappointment, concern and worry as much as joy, delight and excitement that a new baby will be born.

So how should we react to this? After discussion with girlfriends, it seems that the most helpful thing is to just sit quietly and pray without giving advice, rather like Job's friends did in the beginning (Job 2:11-13). Platitudes don't help and probably just serve to increase the guilt and shame of feeling like this. I don't know how to help women in this situation, so, remembering my thoughts in the second paragraph, I would appreciate your wisdom.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the LORD!
Psalm 27:14

Another Christian Union is hitting the news in the United Kingdom. After Edinburgh University's Christian Union were banned running the Pure course on relationships, Exeter University's Christian Union has been suspended from the students' association, banned from university property and had their bank account frozen.

Their crime? Asking members to sign a declaration of their faith in Jesus Christ as their Lord, Saviour and God and asking committee members to sign a fuller statement of belief. (Read the full story and statements from both the Student Guild and Christian Union at the BBC.)

The Student Guild claims that it is trying to protect "equal opportunities" because the Evangelical Christian Union will only allow evangelical Christians to hold positions of leadership, although meetings are open to everyone to attend. The Christian Union replies that, "Obviously going to court is the last thing we want to do but we feel that our fundamental right to freedom of expression, belief and association are being threatened here." (Later, the Student Guild apparently lifted the ban although this has yet to be confirmed.)

Exeter joins a long list of Christian Unions forcibly disassociated from the Students' Association, including the CU at my own university, but the first one to pursue this as far as the High Court. They are being supported by a number of eminent church leaders, including Lord Carey, and the current Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams.

Along with many others, I worry that this is evidence of the continued erosion of Christian values in this country and increasing intolerance of the Christian faith under the masquerade of equal opportunities and political correctness. We need to support these organisations practically and in prayer as a matter of urgency rather than just accept this slide into secular fundamentalism.

If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.
John 15:19

Our wisdom ought to be nothing else than to embrace with humble teachableness, and at least without finding fault, whatever is taught in Sacred Scripture.

John Calvin, French Reformation theologian (1509-64)

Minnie Louise Haskins, American teacher and writer (1875-1957)
(quoted by George VI in his Christmas broadcast of 1939)

If those who know you best gave you one piece of advice, what would they say? Would they be right? What will you do about it?

I do sometimes I would get overwhelmed with everything I have to do. I've been feeling a bit like that recently. Work is crazily busy and I have to work every second weekend. The way doctors are trained is being changed in August so there is a lot of uncertainty about our job situation for next year - they are expecting 20,000 doctors to be unemployed in the UK! Already many of my friends have moved to Australia and New Zealand because they can't get work here. I'm not entirely sure what my future holds at all so I am trying to see this as an exciting, rather than a terrifying and unsetlling, time!

I shared this with a close friend and sister in Christ. She has only just been introduced to the wonderful writings of Elisabeth Elliot, but she has clearly been paying attention when she pointed this bit out! (She might have also found this at Amy's Humble Musings where she also blogged about this recently.)

I had learned a principle from my mother many years before: Do the next thing. And it is wonderful how simple it is when we just do the next thing.

That's all we need to - just to do the next thing. We are not given our life's plan, probably because it would overwhelm us more, but just asked to live day by day, asking for our daily bread, asking for forgiveness daily, studying the Bible daily, letting tomorrow worry about itself and taking up our crosses daily. I really do believe this; I just need to act like I do!

Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Proverbs 30:8

This week's Carnival of Beauty, hosted by Autumn Rain, celebrates the Beauty of Salvation. I have shared some of my own testimony before, but want to share a story of salvation from my own family that is particularly precious to us at Christmas.

As a family, we never went to church. My mother was so against Christianity that, when she found out that I went to a Scripture Union club at primary school, she forbade to go again! For me, it had been a fun way to spend a lunchtime but nothing else more spiritual.

At secondary school, I discovered a love and talent for singing. I sang in school choirs and school musicals, taking part in competitions against other schools, and singing solos at concerts and carol services. My singing teacher then suggested joining a church choir.

I wasn't going to that church for the teaching, so it didn't matter that the minister didn't believe in the deity of Christ, the virgin birth, the inerrancy of the Bible or the truth of the miracles. However I began to read the Bible. I'm not sure when exactly I became a Christian - it was more like a gradual dawning. I was in the middle of it before I had realised that I had started!

Throughout all of this, I was still singing in the choir. On Christmas Eve 1998, I was to sing a solo in the Watchnight Service. My parents had decided that this was all a 'religious' phase that I would soon grow out of but they would come to hear me whenever I was singing a solo.

That evening, we had a blazing argument. I haven't a clue what it was about now, but I'm sure there was crying, shouting and probably door slamming! (I am ashamed to admit this, but offer it to show what God worked from!) They said they would not come to see me sing so I stomped out of the house and went to church myself.

A strange thing happened at home that night. For some reason, my parents, my very anti-religion parents, my atheist parents, decided they would go to church anyway and, late that night, walked up the hill to the local church. They went to the service, then the following Sunday went back and kept on going back.

By God's wonderful providence, the minister there was a Christian and preached the Bible faithfully. That night, he shared the truth of the Christmas story that did not leave Jesus as a helpless babe in a manger but that explained why that baby came and how, through him, people could have their sins forgiven and have eternal life.

My parents heard and believed God's word and became Christians. It has been wonderful to see the transformation in their lives and in my family. It is such a blessing to go home and to be able to talk of God's goodness and to share Christian fellowship. They are both so involved in that church now, with my father even becoming an elder last year. I am so thankful to God for how he has brought them to a living faith and for the outworking of their salvation.

May we shout for joy over your salvation,
and in the name of our God set up our banners!
May the Lord fulfill all your petitions!
Psalm 20:5

I had mentioned in my 100 things that I belong to a denomination that only sings psalms in worship. I know this is very unusual so, after being asked about it, I thought I would share why my church does this and some of the blessings that come from that. This is not meant to start a psalms versus hymns argument (there is enough of that elsewhere on the internet) but instead to share a part of my church tradition by which others might be edified.

The reason behind Exclusive Psalmody (which also includes the singing of other songs in Scripture) comes down to the Puritan concept of "Purity of Worship" and the Regulative Principle, which is stated in the Westminster Confession of Faith as:

In summary, it means that the only acceptable worship is that which is specifically instituted by God in the Bible and that we can not do better than to sing God's own word in his worship. This is practised in my church by the singing of only psalms and biblical songs and by singing a cappella. This contrasts with the more common Normative Principle, which allows anything that is not specifically prohibited in Scripture as long as there is general agreement in the Church that is good and edifying.

I have found many blessings in singing the psalms. I love singing them, knowing that these are the same words sung for thousands of years by God's people and even by Jesus himself. All human emotions are expressed in the psalms, from anger at God and rage at feeling abandoned by him to rejoicing and praise. Sometimes these are emotions and ideas we find hard to share with each other, never mind in singing to God, yet they are here in God's word, inspired by the Spirit, and are clearly designed by him for singing. Through singing the psalms in church and in my own quiet times, they have been hidden away in my heart so that without me even noticing that I have memorised huge portions of Scripture.

If you are interested in listening, I have found a few links for you to experience psalm singing. (If you are really brave, you could try the Gaelic psalm singing. It divides people like Marmite - you'll either love it or hate it!) Psalm singing has to be sung in 4 part harmony to be heard at its best. Often in church this will happen spontaneously which really does make a joyful song! If your psalmody tastebuds have been awakened, I can recommend Discovery, the DVD of a recent Festival of Psalms - you might even spot someone you know!

Psalm 24:7-10 to the tune St George
Psalm 46:1-5 to Stroudwater
Psalm 65:1-6 to Dunfermline
Psalm 69 to Stornoway (Gaelic)
Psalm 117 to Regents Square
Psalm 103 to Coleshill (Gaelic)
Psalm 104 to Kilmarnock (Gaelic)
Psalm 121 to French

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
Colossians 3:16