After last year's Fall into Reading challenge from Callapidder Days, Katrina is encouraging us to return to our bookshelves with the Spring Reading Thing 2007. She writes:

Have you fallen behind on your To-Be-Read list? Do you have five books that you've started but haven't finished? Have you been meaning to get around to that great book your friend recommended but just haven't done it yet? Do you love to read and to find out what everyone else is reading? Then this challenge is for you!

I've spent some time looking through my bookshelves and the piles of books that sit waiting for more bookshelves to be built to pick some that I hope to read before the end of the challenge. Feel free to steal any of my ideas or to suggest any that you think I should read in the future!

Practical Prayer
by Derek Prime
After hearing him speak on prayer a few years ago, this has been one of the most useful books I own. Things have been a bit more difficult recently, so I think I need to read this - then, more importantly, put it in to practice!





The Inheritance of Loss
by Kiran Desai
I was given this as a present for my birthday, so you can tell how long it has been sitting on my bookshelf. She loved it but I've tried to read it a few times but not got past the first chapter yet...





A Third Testament
by Malcolm Muggeridge
This looks at the spiritual lives of some very influential men of God throughout the ages, such as Augustine of Hippo, Blaise Pascal, Fyodor Dostoevsky and Deitrich Bonhoeffer. I've read a lot of their writings so I am looking forward to learning more about them.




Perfecting Ourselves to Death
by Richard Winter
This is described on the back as "the 'perfect' book for those who struggle with perfectionism". I know that I tend towards this so it will be helpful to look at the positive and negative sides of perfectionism and what to do about it.




How to Read a Paper: The basics of evidence based medicine
by Trisha Greenhalgh
My final entry is really for work. I've got a few interviews coming up so this will be good to read - it currently just sits on my bookshelf looking impressive!






Be as careful of the books you read, as of the company you keep; for your habits and character will be as much influenced by the former as by the latter.
Edwin Paxton Hood, American minister (1820-1885)

While I don't wish to turn this blog into posts all about "a nice story about going to the supermarket then relating it back to a Christian theme", I've been away quite a bit this week, so there is quite a bit of news to tell you!

I spent Friday recording my first CD! We only sing unaccompanied psalms in my denomination, so a few years ago, the psalms were retranslated into more modern English than the 1650 Scottish Psalter. To help our precentors (who lead the singing) and the congregation learn to sing these, we are making a CD of these psalms. It was so exciting to hear the recording - it sounds like it was done in a proper studio when it was really done in a friend's living room with duvets hanging around me to muffle background noise! I'll let you know when it comes out...

On Saturday, my little sister got engaged to her boyfriend. They were always planning on getting married from before she became pregnant, but it is good that he's making an honest women of her! We used to fight so much, so it has been great to have become such great friends as adults. It was so touching when she asked me to be her bridesmaid.

I've been away the last few days for my first job interview down in Cambridge. My interview was first thing in the morning, so I had the evening before and the rest of the day to wander around admiring the university colleges. (I noticed that one of the churches held a Goth Eucharist every fortnight advertising that it included "candles, incense and contemporary music for goths"!) I went to Evensong at King's College and heard the world famous choir. The interview itself was fine - once they had found my application form!

Finally (and I hope that Sherrin will forgive me stealing her photo from the blog for this), congratulations to Dave and Sherrin on their engagement! It has been lovely to get to her and to see their relationship blossom.

I've not had much time for blogging this week, but it has been a busy time as junior doctors all over the UK have faced the chaos of the new job application system, Moderning Medical Careers. I am one of the lucky ones. I have 4 job interviews - many of my friends have none. Unfortunately, I can't link to all the television and radio programmes this has been featured on, but this is some of the news we have been creating this week...


System for recruiting junior doctors in crisis (The Herald, 28th February)

Doctors' training system 'a shambles' (Daily Telegraph, 2nd March)

Jobs protest planned by doctors (BBC News Online, 2nd March)

Thousands of newly-qualified doctors may be jobless in August (You and Yours, 2nd March)

Trained young doctors condemned to the scrapheap (The Times, 2nd March)

8,000 junior doctors 'might have to go abroad for work' (Daily Mail, 2nd March)

Doctors chaos 'is worst crisis to hit NHS' (Daily Telegraph, 3rd March)

Junior doctors plan to mount legal challenge over job rules (The Guardian, 3rd March)

Top surgeons risk their jobs to defy 'flawed' interview system (Daily Telegraph, 6th March)

Health chiefs retreat in row over training for junior doctors (The Times, 7th March)

As I write my job applications, attend my interviews and generally panic about the looming prospect of unemployment, perhaps Kristy, Jonny and Felicity were right all along about what I should do!

Is this the answer to my prayers???

Outback appeal to attract medics

My internet connection has been playing up all day and crashing at regular intervals, so the lengthy post that I had written about the talks from the church weekend away on Jesus as Priest, Prophet and King will have to be rewritten for tomorrow.

I just wanted to let you know that after all the stress of filling in those job applications, the results of shortlisting came out today. I have interviews for all four areas where I applied: Scotland, Newcastle (because it's close to the border!), Oxford and Cambridge!

The interviews are spread over a month and start in a few weeks, giving me time to find a suit to wear! After talking about my carbon footprint, I'll be flying across the country so much over the next few weeks, getting to interviews then getting back here to start work.

While driving to work this morning, getting more and more nervous to know the results which were published at 9am, I saw a rainbow in the sky and it brought me to prayer. It reminded me that God really is in control of everything, including those consultants and that computer. He is sovereign over everything and has promised that nothing can overcome us. His plans stand for ever to all generations. He will not forget his covenant with us so, whatever happens with jobs, I know I have rest and security in this. Thank you all for your continued prayers and encouragement!

When the bow is in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.
Genesis 9:16

I'm going to my congregation's trip away this weekend, so am still ironing and packing my clothes! I wondered then if I could share some of the websites I've found useful over the last wee while. There is a definite medical bias (which Jeanine might appreciate even if no-one else does!), but I have picked sites that I think everyone might find interesting to visit.

I am heavily involved in teaching our medical students and like to intersperse my teaching with the history of medicine. I think you learn and remember more if there are interesting stories rather than just dry facts. Find out who Dr Asperger, Dr Parkinson and Dr Raynaud were at WhoNamedIt.com or learn more about the medical discoveries that have won the Nobel Prize.

Play at being a doctor at ER-SIM, MDchoice.com, the Interactive Patient or Trauma.org. Listen to normal and abnormal hearts, then visit some cardiology patients. Learn to make diagnoses from X-rays. If you don't manage to save them, you could always do a Virtual Autopsy and work out how you killed them!

Hmm, let's hope nothing develops!

I can only quickly wander past today because I am busy sorting out job applications (or I would be if I could - read on!). There is a new online application form that is supposed to make things much easier for the 20,000 junior doctors applying for jobs in the UK and for the consultants who have to shortlist, interview and appoint them.

Instead it has turned into a bit of a disaster. There were supposed to be 9 jobs in Scotland for diabetes, my own specialty - instead there are just 4. Over 10,000 doctors can expect to be unemployed from August as this is replicated throughout every department across the UK. The application forms are plain funny - testing us more on our creative writing than our aptitude as doctors. The consultants shortlisting from these forms have not been told yet how they are allowed to mark them and choose who to interview. I've been trying to fill in my form online but the website keeps crashing, deleting everything I have filled in so far with it. The deadline is on Sunday, but I am on night shift all weekend so I was hoping to get in before I go to work tonight.

It's given me an interesting opportunity to seriously consider what to do if I don't end up with a job. I've thought about changing specialties. I really enjoy Geriatrics and Acute Medicine, but their trainees are in exactly the same position as me. I've thought about leaving the country. I'm not experienced enough yet to work longer-term abroad in a mission setting, but many of my friends have left to work in Canada, Australia and New Zealand. I've even thought about leaving medicine itself. I studied History of Art briefly as part of my medical degree and loved it. I love learning languages and speak five of them (with varying degrees of competency). But what could I do after that and can I really go back to university again?

In amongst all this, I am trying to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, knowing that God has the plans for my life in his hands and has established all my steps. It is his purpose that will stand, not the random decision of a computer. God understands every plan and thought of men but it will his own will that has the victory. I'm trying to see this as exciting and as an adventure, knowing that I can have this trust in God. I feel desperately sorry for my friends and colleagues who are entering this uncertain time without this knowledge and peace.

Just as you read this, I would ask for your prayers that God's will be done here and also for my Christian witness and testimony as I share my own security with others.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Most of us struggle at times with time management, stress, pressure, and the feeling of being totally overwhelmed. Perhaps I looked a little like I was heading in this direction, or it was that just God knew that I might be, when a Christian friend and colleague sent me this article, Death by Ministry from Mark Driscoll's blog at The Resurgence.

The article is aimed as pastors and their wives, discussing burnout in ministry leaders, the signs of burnout and some helpful suggestions to avoid it. It makes for some uncomfortable reading:

It reminds me of the importance of praying for my pastor and his wife and family and of fulfilling my promise to do that more purposefully for a month. It also reminds me of the pressures they are under and to try not to over-burden them. It has reminded me to offer to look after their daughter for an evening to allow them to have some time together and has inspired me to be brave enough to invite them all round for dinner for a relaxing evening.

I offer Mr Driscoll's advice to you all believing that his suggestions from his own life in how to prevent burnout will be helpful to anyone who has ever felt stressed, burdened and overwhelmed. I have already seen where his solutions might be helpful in my own life.

1. Fill your plate In a conversation with Pastor Wayne Cordeiro of New Hope Christian Fellowship in Hawaii, he gave some very sagely advice. He said that each person's plate is a different size; each person needs to first find the size of their plate and then fill it only with those things that are of highest priority. And, before adding any additional things to our full plate, we must take something else off to leave space for the new duty...

4.Sabbath This includes taking five minutes off every hour to catch your breath, go for a walk, stand up at your desk, etc. It includes taking thirty to sixty minutes off a day to nap, go for a walk, read, garden, or whatever else releases your pressure and helps you to relax. This also means taking one day off a week to Sabbath, including a date night if you are in a serious relationship or married. This also includes a day or two off a month for silence and solitude and a few weeks a year for an actual vacation that does not leave you more tired than before it began.

9.Work from conviction, not guilt Conviction comes from God and guilt comes from people. The key to being both fruitful and healthy is to do what God wants and not always say yes to or let yourself be pushed around by people who are demanding and have perfected the art of making you feel guilty if you do not do what they demand.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11:29

If those who know you best gave you one piece of advice, what would they say? Would they be right? What will you do about it?

I do sometimes I would get overwhelmed with everything I have to do. I've been feeling a bit like that recently. Work is crazily busy and I have to work every second weekend. The way doctors are trained is being changed in August so there is a lot of uncertainty about our job situation for next year - they are expecting 20,000 doctors to be unemployed in the UK! Already many of my friends have moved to Australia and New Zealand because they can't get work here. I'm not entirely sure what my future holds at all so I am trying to see this as an exciting, rather than a terrifying and unsetlling, time!

I shared this with a close friend and sister in Christ. She has only just been introduced to the wonderful writings of Elisabeth Elliot, but she has clearly been paying attention when she pointed this bit out! (She might have also found this at Amy's Humble Musings where she also blogged about this recently.)

I had learned a principle from my mother many years before: Do the next thing. And it is wonderful how simple it is when we just do the next thing.

That's all we need to - just to do the next thing. We are not given our life's plan, probably because it would overwhelm us more, but just asked to live day by day, asking for our daily bread, asking for forgiveness daily, studying the Bible daily, letting tomorrow worry about itself and taking up our crosses daily. I really do believe this; I just need to act like I do!

Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Proverbs 30:8

What's the most important trip you want to take this year?

What an interesting question! Where do I need to go this year? Who do I need to catch up with? Where do I need to be? I haven't managed to come up with an answer but it has made me think.

I used to go on mission trips every summer, but now it is so difficult to get away for anything longer than a week with work. Ah, work does interfere with my social life! Perhaps I need to be organised with things for this summer to try to get back out there. Even though I am officially 'working', I find the concentrated Christian fellowship so refreshing. Of course, the sunshine and the good food doesn't hurt either!

This has also reminded me about all the people whom I need to visit. There are friends and family I need to see - letters, emails and phone calls are great, but it is not the same as seeing someone face-to-face and sharing with them.

Balanced against all of this is again the uncertainity of work after August. I have always planned to spend some time working abroad, so maybe this would be the time to do it. I'm conscious that many of my older friends and colleagues also planned to do medical mission work abroad before getting caught up in work, marriage and family and never doing it after all. I know that it is possible to do this after marriage and with children, but it is more difficult, so maybe I should embrace this season of life and crack on with it.

[The LORD your God] went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go.
Deuteronomy 1:33

After all the excitement of yesterday (still giggling intermittently!) and my recent thoughts on the compatibility of full-time work and being a wife and a mother, I had to laugh as I read the first few paragraphs of this article.

Carolyn McCulley pointed out some articles from the Journal of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood on her blog, Solo Femininity. I was most amused reading Homemaking Internship by Carolyn Mahaney that I just had to share it with others. It was this first extract that got me, but I definitely recommend reading the whole article.

Imagine preparing your whole life for a career in medicine. In high school you volunteer at the local hospital and spend your evenings reading medical journals. You make the honor roll and head off to a prestigious medical school. After eight years of only study and no social life, you finally graduate. Then you spend two, maybe three years in your chosen field—not even enough time to pay off the school loans.

But the more you practice medicine, the less you enjoy it. Suddenly you realize the truth. Your real calling is to be a teacher. You want to work with kids, small ones. So now with a mostly useless set of skills (at least you would know how to do the Heimlich maneuver if a kid choked on his hot dog in the school cafeteria), you want to enroll again at the university and study to be a teacher. But you can’t. Your time and money have run out.

You can’t afford to give six more years of your life to study, and you certainly can’t afford the extra school debt. The years and the funds allotted for career preparation have already been spent on another profession. You have to accept the reality that you didn’t graduate with the right degree to teach.

All too often we stumble onto homemaking the way this student stumbled onto teaching. We devote ourselves to studying for a particular career, but suddenly discover we want to enter an entirely different field for which we never prepared. Surprise! We find ourselves engaged to be married but without a degree in homemaking.

I've done all of that. I studied hard and worked hard, often to the expense of other things. Just yesterday I reached one of the pinnacles of my career and spent today getting congratulatory hugs and handshakes from friends and senior colleagues. I am now in their elite club - I am now one of them! But I have found myself still unsatisfied. I have devoted myself to medicine only to discover I want "to enter an entirely different field for which we never prepared".

It's an interesting article about how to practically prepare OUR daughters for homemaking, yet it doesn't address the issue of how to prepare if you are not from a home where a Biblical view of the family and of the home was taken. I know that it is only now that I am learning about running a home and raising a Christian family, having never stood at my mother's knee while she roasted a chicken (I still need to learn how to carve it) or never having had family worship. Some of what I do in my work now will help, such as the "transferable skills" of organisation, time management, conflict resolution, and caring for others. I have been so blessed to have older women in the church mentor me and teach me some of these wifely skills. Of course these skills are not only to be learnt for marriage but, as Carolyn Mahaney says, to "honor God by expressing your femininity today".

My young friends, let it be your constant aim, and at the same time your earnest prayer, that you may first of all thoroughly understand your mission, and then diligently prepare for it, and hereafter as successfully fulfill it.
John Angell James, English pastor (1785-1859)

Thank you for all your prayers when I had my exam last month. One part of it went horribly pear-shaped and I was convinced there and then that I had failed. Thankfully, and I can only praise God for this, I remembered all the people who were praying for me and resolved to complete the rest of the exam as well as I could even though I 'knew' that I had failed.

Well, it turns out that I didn't know for tonight I received the happy news that I passed my exam and am now a Member of the Royal College of Physicians. I am so shocked and can't stop giggling every time I think about it!

Thank you so much for all your prayers and support. Most of all, thanks to God who is our strength and the greatest physician of all! May all the glory be to him!

Heavenly Father,

we thank you today that

through your Son, our Saviour,

we receive new life and hope.

Lead us by your Spirit in our work today.

Enable us to fulfill our medical calling

in love, wisdom and integrity.

Give us knowledge and diligence

in the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of disease.

Help us to bring comfort to the anxious and sorrowing.

Free us from selfish ambition.

Grant us sincerity in all that we say and do.

Strengthen us to persevere in the face of fatigue.

Keep us always mindful of your redeeming purpose

and maintain our confidence that death will finally be overcome

through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

I really enjoyed reading Sherrin's post on Titus this week. One sentence struck me:

All women can be homemakers no matter what their current work situation is. However, creating a welcoming home for our families and communities does take time and effort. This means that it is reasonable to conclude that at some times in our lives, particularly when there are young children at home, it will be necessary to cut back on paid work in order to fulfill this calling.

I completely agree with her. I have long said that should I get married, I would want to stay at home with the children. However, this started another train of thought...

I have such a busy job and spend a lot of time at work. Now I did know that life was going to be like this when I decided that I wanted to be a doctor and I can't claim to have been pulled in unawares! With all its demands though, it is so hard to keep my house on top of work commitments, never mind added to my church work, friends, family, and recreation. I do love my work - I find it fascinating and fulfilling - but my priorities have changed.

I really don't think that my job (as it stands at the moment) could not be compatible with a happy marriage. I could "have it all" - get married, have children, work full-time, get a cleaner to do the housework, put the children to daycare. I have plenty of friends and colleagues who do this, but that's not the wife, the mother or the doctor I wish to be. So it brings me to a conclusion that surprised me: if, God willing, I get married, should I give up my job and be a full-time homemaker to and for my husband, even before having children?

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
Genesis 2:18

We must, during all our labour and in all else we do...pause for some short moment, as often indeed as we can, to worship God in the depth of our heart, to savour him, though it be in passing, and as it were by stealth.

Brother Lawrence, lay brother in Carmelite monastery and author of "The Practice of the Presence of God" (c.1605-1691)

What's the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your work life this year?

Work is so busy, but I hate when I get to the end of the day and realise that I was too busy to think of God. Again and again, I am reminded of the Lord's gentle yet firm words to Martha in Luke 10.

I need to try to come back to the Lord's feet throughout the day, almost to realign myself with God, to remind myself where my motivation comes from and to whose glory I do this. In one article from the London Institute of Contemporary Christianity I've read about living out a Christian faith in the workplace, this is described as "'on-the-run-spirituality', a rhythm of work that keeps us alert to God in our work."

Connecting with God in the Fast Lane by John Parminter reminds us that we cannot survive in our strength, but that we know a God who came as a man and understands our experiences and in whom is found immeasurable power and blessings.

Parminter offers some simple approaches that could easily be incorporated into dashing around work to 'practise the presence of God.'

I need to be more purposeful about resting and trusting in God throughout my day and in dedicating all my conversations and interactions with patients and colleagues to him, for I do it all to "glorify God and enjoy him forever."

But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."
Luke 10:41-42

The blog has been very quiet lately as I have lived the life of a hermit, only emerging from my study to work, practise on patients and eat! The big exam is tomorrow, and the panic is beginning to set in!

There is just SO much to learn, so many diseases to know about, yet I will only get tested on 10 of these! It's a clinical exam, so I'll be going round different patients with examiners watching me as I examine and diagnose the patients, before grilling me...

If you are passing by here, please take just a moment to pray that I will do my best tomorrow, not letting the panic get the better of me, that I will answer the questions correctly (self-doubt and lack of confidence that I am answering correctly (even when I am right) seems to be a big problem for me) and that, whether I pass or fail, I will do it all to the glory of God.

Thanks so much for that! I'll be back to resume normal service on Thursday.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

It's my birthday today, so it's an ideal time to consider what God has done for me, in me and through me in this last year and where I hope to be this time next year. Inspired by this week's Carnival of Beauty on Beginnings and Endings, I want to reflect on the work that he has begun in me and where he has shut doors. In all this, I know that I can trust in a God who is omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient, yet who loves me, Keziah, despite knowing me and my failings more than anyone else and more than I allow even myself.

This year, God has used me, through the guidance of some godly women, to start a Bible study group for young women. Just last night, we met together for a wonderful time of fellowship and encouragement sitting round Scripture. I am learning so much from our time together and am so thankful to God for the work he is doing there.

He has taken me to a new job that I love. I actually sit there and think to myself, "I have SUCH an interesting job" and really believe it! He is teaching me and reminding me every day that this is my mission field for now and that this is where he wants me to be his servant and ambassador. While on call this last weekend, I was able to have some really interesting chats with a couple of Muslim colleagues. They will return to a land hostile to the Gospel next year, a place where it would be too dangerous for me to work, never mind visit as a missionary, so I am conscious that, right now, here is my opportunity to share the Christian faith with that people.

God also has seemed to close doors for me over this year, sometimes inexplicably. I had hoped to spend some time supporting student ministry, but the funding to allow me to do this was not available. I had hoped to go into research, but the funding there was not available either. A good friend expressed his interest in me, so we began to talk more purposefully about our future and if marriage was part of that. After much prayer and discussion, I knew that this was not the case. While I know it was the correct and right decision, it stills saddens me to consider all that might have been and what now might never be.

All through this, I know that I do not worship a fickle God, but one who is constant and steady. I know that God has his plans for me that he has had since before the beginning of time, purposes for me that will prevail and cannot be thwarted, plans for wholeness and not for evil, plans to give me a future and a hope, and that he knows both the beginning and the end. As I begin another year of my life, this is in what I can trust and rest, so, instead of being scared and nervous, I am excited to see what this next year will bring!

Isaiah 46:9-10

What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?

Aargh! Another hard one. I've been sitting here at my computer trying to answer this one and I am having a hard time. When I think over the year to come, I find it difficult to find something that will matter in 10 years - and that depresses me.

I might alter a few diabetes drugs to give someone better sugar control so that in 10 years they still have both legs and can see. I might put a patient on drugs to lower their blood pressure and cholesterol so they don't have a stroke. I might be the first one on the scene when a patient's heart stops and manage to shock it back into working again. (Actually I just did this last week - five minutes later, after a couple of shocks and some CPR, he was sitting up asking what had just happened!) But will any of this really matter in eternity? Or am I just patching people up to fall apart another day?

Then I got thinking. My workplace, the wards and the clinics, is my mission field. In God's wisdom, he has placed me there as his ambassador, as his representative there. How I go about my day, how I treat my patients and my colleagues, what I talk about at coffee time is my witness to the work that God is doing within me. Already I have had opportunity to share some of my faith with my colleagues and my patients.

It is this witness that will matter in eternity. It is the people who came a step closer to knowing God for themselves that will matter in eternity. This is an awesome opportunity and one that I must keep at the forefront of my mind every day.

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ,
God making his appeal through us.
2 Corinthians 5:20a