Friday, March 30, 2007
To be Happy with his Wife
I have told you before about a wonderful friend of mine. She is a godly woman and a real sister in the Lord. We have become such close friends over the last year, mainly because she is one of the few people in real life with whom I can be really and truly honest. I have been having some difficulties recently with a few issues, but have been so blessed to be able to share with her, be accountable to her and pray with her.
I was so delighted when recently she and her boyfriend announced their engagement. This has led on to some interesting chats about biblical womanhood, marriage, singleness and family, so I wanted to share some of the articles we have been discussing to see what you thought. (It might also encourage her to comment here some day - I know she reads this, but has never added a comment before..!)
I always appreciate Carolyn McCulley's writings so enjoyed Faith for the Man He'll Become from Boundless. It's a gentle reminder to us girls that we won't marry the 'perfect man' but that there is a big difference between men aged 25 and men aged 50 in the church so we can't judge them by the same standard. We have a huge part to play in the growing in spiritual maturity of our brothers in Christ and of our (future) husbands, encouraging them and uplifting them in prayer. She writes: 
He talks of being careful not to over-commit to work, church or other people when the focus should be developing and deepening the relationship with your spouse.
My friend and I are both busy doctors, so what does this mean practically for us as potential wives? I know I find it difficult enough to keep up-to-date with everything just on my own, so I can't really see me managing this while trying to get used to married life! We discussed this in a previous post, A Helper Fit for Him, and I liked what Sherrin had to say:
Our friendship is bound to change over the next year, but we are both committed to maintaining a close sisterly bond. (Thankfully, her fiancé is very understanding and encouraging of the fact that sometimes you just need your girlfriends!) What of my part in their marriage though? Lauren Winner writes about our responsibilities to a friend's marriage in Beyond Being a Bridesmaid:
Deuteronomy 24:5
I was so delighted when recently she and her boyfriend announced their engagement. This has led on to some interesting chats about biblical womanhood, marriage, singleness and family, so I wanted to share some of the articles we have been discussing to see what you thought. (It might also encourage her to comment here some day - I know she reads this, but has never added a comment before..!)
I always appreciate Carolyn McCulley's writings so enjoyed Faith for the Man He'll Become from Boundless. It's a gentle reminder to us girls that we won't marry the 'perfect man' but that there is a big difference between men aged 25 and men aged 50 in the church so we can't judge them by the same standard. We have a huge part to play in the growing in spiritual maturity of our brothers in Christ and of our (future) husbands, encouraging them and uplifting them in prayer. She writes: You may see some of the husbands and fathers in your church and think to yourself that you'd like to marry a man just like them. Those are great aspirations to have! But first you may need to talk to their wives.Another Boundless article looks at Deuteronomy 24:5. Jonathan Dodson in First Year Off extends the law that allowed Israelite men not to be sent to war during their first year of marriage to a more general principle of a taking a year off from other responsibilities to "to be happy with his wife".
Why? Because these women didn't marry the husbands they have today. Typically, they married less seasoned men. Thanks to the Holy Spirit's refinements over time, as well as the feminine counsel, influence, and encouragement of these wives, their husbands are different some 20-plus years down the line.
Now take a look at the young men you know. Can you see them with eyes of faith? Like trees in springtime with an impressionistic haze of buds, the potential for growth is strongly evident but it's not yet fully realized.
He talks of being careful not to over-commit to work, church or other people when the focus should be developing and deepening the relationship with your spouse.My friend and I are both busy doctors, so what does this mean practically for us as potential wives? I know I find it difficult enough to keep up-to-date with everything just on my own, so I can't really see me managing this while trying to get used to married life! We discussed this in a previous post, A Helper Fit for Him, and I liked what Sherrin had to say:
I do believe that home and family are to be the priorities, but that will look different for each woman. God has made us finite - and we cannot really "have it all". Something has to give, and we do not want that "something" to be the role of helping our husbands.
Our friendship is bound to change over the next year, but we are both committed to maintaining a close sisterly bond. (Thankfully, her fiancé is very understanding and encouraging of the fact that sometimes you just need your girlfriends!) What of my part in their marriage though? Lauren Winner writes about our responsibilities to a friend's marriage in Beyond Being a Bridesmaid: I will no longer take the responsibility of witnessing marriage vows so lightly, for witnessing a marriage vow is not a frivolous thing. Now, before I attend a wedding, or stand up with a friend, I will consider what I, too, am committing to: a lifetime of support, of sometimes hard words, of prayer, of upholding.When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.
Deuteronomy 24:5
Labels: biblical manhood, biblical womanhood, marriage
Monday, February 05, 2007
He Commanded our Fathers to Teach
My post on Mark Driscoll's Death by Ministry provoked a bit of debate on the other side of the world with Sherrin and Phil getting into some conversation. It certainly was not meant to discourage men from going into the ministry or women from marrying them! It was just to remind us of the pressures our pastors are under and what we can do to help that, as well as offering advice to any of us who are busy.
As I said to Sherrin, several of my friends have said, "I'm never going to marry a minister" and married nice men who then, a few years down the line, felt they were called to the ministry. They are all minister's daughters - is there a connection?
I think there must be many wonderful things about growing up as a child of the manse, as we would say in Scotland. I see the Christian maturity of my friends whose fathers are ministers, because of the Bible teaching they have received, the other ministers and missionaries they have met and learned from, and the practical examples of Christian service, hospitality and fellowship.
A couple of books that friends recommended to me as a minister friend of mine and I were considering courtship were Who'd be a Minister's Wife by Heather Tinker and We're in this Together: Living with Leadership by Celia Bowring. If you are heading down that line, I can commend them both to you.
He established a testimony in Jacob
and appointed a law in Israel,
which he commanded our fathers
to teach to their children.
Psalm 78:5
As I said to Sherrin, several of my friends have said, "I'm never going to marry a minister" and married nice men who then, a few years down the line, felt they were called to the ministry. They are all minister's daughters - is there a connection?
I think there must be many wonderful things about growing up as a child of the manse, as we would say in Scotland. I see the Christian maturity of my friends whose fathers are ministers, because of the Bible teaching they have received, the other ministers and missionaries they have met and learned from, and the practical examples of Christian service, hospitality and fellowship.A couple of books that friends recommended to me as a minister friend of mine and I were considering courtship were Who'd be a Minister's Wife by Heather Tinker and We're in this Together: Living with Leadership by Celia Bowring. If you are heading down that line, I can commend them both to you.
He established a testimony in Jacob
and appointed a law in Israel,
which he commanded our fathers
to teach to their children.
Psalm 78:5
Friday, January 26, 2007
Let Marriage be held in Honour
I think most people visiting here would agree that a couple living together before marriage is a bad idea. (If you don't agree, we can chat about about that another day.).
My question for this weekend though is: what do you do when relatives or friends who are living together visit? Do you just give them the spare room? Or could that be seen as a tacit approval of their relationship? What is the loving way to deal with this? What about if they have a child? Surely it is daft (and, at worst, harmful to your relationship with them) to ask them to sleep in separate rooms?
As I ponder this, I can't come up with the best answer, so this is all just thinking out loud. Ideally, they would offer to sleep in separate rooms out of respect for your beliefs. It's not as if I have an adundance of spare rooms either and would need to ask one of them to sleep on the floor in the living room! What is the best thing to do? What have you done in this situation?
I'll give you a few days to give me your words of wisdom and to ponder it a bit more before trying to formulate an answer.
Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Hebrews 13:4
My question for this weekend though is: what do you do when relatives or friends who are living together visit? Do you just give them the spare room? Or could that be seen as a tacit approval of their relationship? What is the loving way to deal with this? What about if they have a child? Surely it is daft (and, at worst, harmful to your relationship with them) to ask them to sleep in separate rooms?
As I ponder this, I can't come up with the best answer, so this is all just thinking out loud. Ideally, they would offer to sleep in separate rooms out of respect for your beliefs. It's not as if I have an adundance of spare rooms either and would need to ask one of them to sleep on the floor in the living room! What is the best thing to do? What have you done in this situation?
I'll give you a few days to give me your words of wisdom and to ponder it a bit more before trying to formulate an answer.
Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Hebrews 13:4
Friday, January 12, 2007
Discern what is the Will of God
How do we balance our belief in God's sovereignity over all of our lives and our responsibility to actively pursue God's will for our lives? It's the next subject dealt with in Debbie Maken's Getting Serious about Getting Married.
On one hand, there is God's sovereignity and the knowledge that his plan for our lives has been in place since before the world was created. This, however, does not mean that we are simply puppets, only able to act when God pulls our strings. Is refusing to actively pursue a marriage partner an example of acting like this? Maken describes it as "not trusting God. Rather it is refusing to follow his design for our lives."
She goes on to blame this partly on people's laziness but mainly on teaching from the church that "Singleness is a gift". If it is a gift, there are a lot of people who are not happy with it! Paul is clear that celibacy is a gift, but given to a select few set aside for a task that required them to be single. However, where does that leave the other millions of Christian singles?
I like the analogy of job applications. While I believe that God has planned a job for me, I can't just sit around hoping that a phone call will mysteriously come to offer me my next post, blaming my unemployment on "God's will". Instead, I sort out my CV, fill in job applications and attend interviews. Perhaps we should be considering our relationships in the same way.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2
On one hand, there is God's sovereignity and the knowledge that his plan for our lives has been in place since before the world was created. This, however, does not mean that we are simply puppets, only able to act when God pulls our strings. Is refusing to actively pursue a marriage partner an example of acting like this? Maken describes it as "not trusting God. Rather it is refusing to follow his design for our lives."
She goes on to blame this partly on people's laziness but mainly on teaching from the church that "Singleness is a gift". If it is a gift, there are a lot of people who are not happy with it! Paul is clear that celibacy is a gift, but given to a select few set aside for a task that required them to be single. However, where does that leave the other millions of Christian singles?
I like the analogy of job applications. While I believe that God has planned a job for me, I can't just sit around hoping that a phone call will mysteriously come to offer me my next post, blaming my unemployment on "God's will". Instead, I sort out my CV, fill in job applications and attend interviews. Perhaps we should be considering our relationships in the same way.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2
Labels: marriage, reading, singleness
Friday, December 29, 2006
Not by Bread Alone
Continuing my study of Debbie Maken's Getting Serious about Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness, I have been looking at the fifth chapter, "What We've Been Taught". She opens with a story:
As much as I initially liked the analogy, I have to disagree with it too. The hunger for food and the "hunger of singleness" just are not the same. Without food, we will die. The desire for marriage and a family, while causing people turmoil and upset, will not cause us to die. Life can indeed carry on without it and, until that day, we just need to learn to live with it.
Most of us in this situation do not feel called to a lifetime of celibacy which would makes things much easier. I try (and I stress that I try - I do not set myself up as someone who always gets this right, it being much easier to say than do something) to remember that singleness is the gift for today, and today is all I need to worry about. Maybe tomorrow will be different but, as I wrote a few days ago, we are commanded not to worry about tomorrow.
Leslie Ludy wrote of her sister-in-law, Krissy:
Deuteronomy 8:3
Any of us who have dealt with singleness and at all struggled with it will not argue that the church often replies with "radically inflated, politically correct, feel-good answers" that fail to get to the bottom of the upset people feel. Often the real issues are ignored as the church teaches that "marriage will just happen if only you'd stop worrying about it", or asks you "Is Jesus not enough?", or suggests you consider "are you called to singleness?" (quickly followed, almost immediately, by "So are you called to the mission field?").Suppose a young woman showed up at a church starving to death...The last thing we'd say is, "Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God"...To abuse Scripture in such a way would contradict God's own design as our Creator to satisfy hunger with food...Sadly we often refuse to employ the same logic when it comes to the hunger of singleness.
As much as I initially liked the analogy, I have to disagree with it too. The hunger for food and the "hunger of singleness" just are not the same. Without food, we will die. The desire for marriage and a family, while causing people turmoil and upset, will not cause us to die. Life can indeed carry on without it and, until that day, we just need to learn to live with it.
Most of us in this situation do not feel called to a lifetime of celibacy which would makes things much easier. I try (and I stress that I try - I do not set myself up as someone who always gets this right, it being much easier to say than do something) to remember that singleness is the gift for today, and today is all I need to worry about. Maybe tomorrow will be different but, as I wrote a few days ago, we are commanded not to worry about tomorrow.
Leslie Ludy wrote of her sister-in-law, Krissy:
She didn't put her life on hold simply because she hadn't yet met her future husband. She gave herself to serve others, and lived a radiant, peaceful, vibrant life - content with where God had her. One day, someone asked Krissy if she felt she was "called" to singleness. After a moment of thought, Krissy replied, "Today I am."And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.
Deuteronomy 8:3
Labels: marriage, reading, singleness
Friday, December 01, 2006
How can a Young Man Keep his Way Pure?
Just a few days after discussing Elton John and his particular brand of 'tolerance', one of the oldest and best universities in the world has followed. The University of Edinburgh has banned the Christian Union from teaching a course on Biblical relationships and purity to its own members on university property, all in the name of 'free speech' and 'tolerance'. The press release from UCCF (the Universities and Colleges Christian Fellowship) gives more details.
Pure is a six week course aimed at university students and looks at different issues surrounding relationships. It does not aim to give a list of things you can and can't get away with, but instead starts with what God has revealed in the Bible and then looks at how this should be applied in our lives and relationships.
I haven't been to the course myself or read the book, but I've had a look at some of the teaching materials. The course looks at
Pure is a six week course aimed at university students and looks at different issues surrounding relationships. It does not aim to give a list of things you can and can't get away with, but instead starts with what God has revealed in the Bible and then looks at how this should be applied in our lives and relationships.
I haven't been to the course myself or read the book, but I've had a look at some of the teaching materials. The course looks at
- The creation of male and female, both in the image of God
- Roles of men and women in the Bible and in our society
- The Fall and the beginning of the Battle of the Sexes
- The redemption that comes from Christ
- Treating each other as brothers and sisters in Christ
- Why Christians shouldn't date non-believers
- Why sexual relations are only legitimate within the context of marriage
- The blessings of both marriage and singleness
- The forgiveness that comes from Jesus when we fall short of all this
The Bisexual Lesbian or Gay Students Association (BLOGS) at Edinburgh University complained to the Student Association that the course was "homophobic and discrimatory" because of its teaching on homosexuality. To quote from Pure's literature, that teaching, which is only a small part of the whole course which focuses on the traditional biblical view that sex was intended by God within the life-long commitment of marriage, is:
Homosexuality: The Bible is clear on this. Sexual relations are only legitimate within the context of marriage as God has ordained it – that is, between a man and a woman. Just as those with a heterosexual orientation should not practice sex outside of marriage, the same goes for those who experience homosexual attraction.
Complaints were made to the Students' Association and the University Senate, who then, without discussion with the Christian Union, banned the CU from holding the course on University Property, saying:
The university has a clear commitment to ensuring that our students and staff are treated and treat each other with dignity and respect. It also attaches considerable importance to the values of free speech and open debate. In this case, the university has looked into the matter, in parallel with an enquiry by the Students Association (EUSA), and has decided that the course is contradictory to our Equality and Diversity values. It was decided that it is not appropriate for this course to run on university or EUSA premises.
I find it difficult and alarming that they can't see the dichotomy here. The Christian Union are not allowed to teach their beliefs on God's design for marriage and relationships in the name of "free speech" - yet this is not seen as completely absurd! There is no question of the CU asking for BLOGS meetings to be held somewhere else because they might teach ideas contrary to Christian beliefs. They are not forcing anyone, least of all BLOGS members, to attend this course. Instead these views, which were until very recently accepted as the norm in our society, are being suppressed in the secularists' quest for 'tolerance' - tolerance and the freedoms to speak or act only extended to those who agree with them. Only certain people seem to be allowed freedom of speech, with everyone else having to be silenced.
How can a young man keep his way pure?
By guarding it according to your word.
Psalm 119:9
How can a young man keep his way pure?
By guarding it according to your word.
Psalm 119:9
Friday, November 10, 2006
A Helper Fit for Him
I really enjoyed reading Sherrin's post on Titus this week. One sentence struck me:
I have such a busy job and spend a lot of time at work. Now I did know that life was going to be like this when I decided that I wanted to be a doctor and I can't claim to have been pulled in unawares! With all its demands though, it is so hard to keep my house on top of work commitments, never mind added to my church work, friends, family, and recreation. I do love my work - I find it fascinating and fulfilling - but my priorities have changed.
I really don't think that my job (as it stands at the moment) could not be compatible with a happy marriage. I could "have it all" - get married, have children, work full-time, get a cleaner to do the housework, put the children to daycare. I have plenty of friends and colleagues who do this, but that's not the wife, the mother or the doctor I wish to be. So it brings me to a conclusion that surprised me: if, God willing, I get married, should I give up my job and be a full-time homemaker to and for my husband, even before having children?
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
Genesis 2:18
All women can be homemakers no matter what their current work situation is. However, creating a welcoming home for our families and communities does take time and effort. This means that it is reasonable to conclude that at some times in our lives, particularly when there are young children at home, it will be necessary to cut back on paid work in order to fulfill this calling.I completely agree with her. I have long said that should I get married, I would want to stay at home with the children. However, this started another train of thought...
I have such a busy job and spend a lot of time at work. Now I did know that life was going to be like this when I decided that I wanted to be a doctor and I can't claim to have been pulled in unawares! With all its demands though, it is so hard to keep my house on top of work commitments, never mind added to my church work, friends, family, and recreation. I do love my work - I find it fascinating and fulfilling - but my priorities have changed.I really don't think that my job (as it stands at the moment) could not be compatible with a happy marriage. I could "have it all" - get married, have children, work full-time, get a cleaner to do the housework, put the children to daycare. I have plenty of friends and colleagues who do this, but that's not the wife, the mother or the doctor I wish to be. So it brings me to a conclusion that surprised me: if, God willing, I get married, should I give up my job and be a full-time homemaker to and for my husband, even before having children?
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
Genesis 2:18
Labels: biblical womanhood, family, homemaking, marriage, work
Friday, September 15, 2006
An Unfading Crown
I grew up near where the Royal Family holidays in Balmoral Castle. As a result, and being a normal little girl, I used to dream that a prince would come and marry me and I would get to be a princess. Now it wasn't so much the prince I was thinking of, but all the pretty dresses, the crowns, the balls and the horses that seemed to just come with being a princess.
Sadly, I never got to become a princess, or so I thought! It wasn't until I was telling this story to some little girl friends of mine that I realised that I had become a princess! My Father is the King! When I became a Christian, I became part of his family and became a real princess! There is even a crown waiting for me in heaven!
With all this, I was interested to see an article from Crosswalk called When the Princess Is Ready, the Prince Will Appear by Dr David Hawkins. Some of the points were well made, but I have some difficulties with other things he says here.
It was good to be reminded that God's timing might well be different to what I want it to be, that too often women settle rather than waiting for someone who will really challenge and encourage them on to greater faithfulness and godliness, and that the states of my heart before God is the most important thing to be sorted before anything else.
However, I am not sure that I agree when he says that "When the princess is ready, the prince will appear." It sounds like all we need to do is fulfill a checklist of preparation and then our future husband will walk into our lives. It's in the same category as misguided advice I've heard give to single friends that "If you'll only stop thinking about it or accept your singleness, then God will allow you to marry." At best, this is discouraging. At worst, this is unbiblical and harmful.
And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory.
Sadly, I never got to become a princess, or so I thought! It wasn't until I was telling this story to some little girl friends of mine that I realised that I had become a princess! My Father is the King! When I became a Christian, I became part of his family and became a real princess! There is even a crown waiting for me in heaven!
With all this, I was interested to see an article from Crosswalk called When the Princess Is Ready, the Prince Will Appear by Dr David Hawkins. Some of the points were well made, but I have some difficulties with other things he says here.
It was good to be reminded that God's timing might well be different to what I want it to be, that too often women settle rather than waiting for someone who will really challenge and encourage them on to greater faithfulness and godliness, and that the states of my heart before God is the most important thing to be sorted before anything else.
However, I am not sure that I agree when he says that "When the princess is ready, the prince will appear." It sounds like all we need to do is fulfill a checklist of preparation and then our future husband will walk into our lives. It's in the same category as misguided advice I've heard give to single friends that "If you'll only stop thinking about it or accept your singleness, then God will allow you to marry." At best, this is discouraging. At worst, this is unbiblical and harmful.
And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory.
I Peter 5:4
Labels: biblical womanhood, marriage, singleness
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Let None of You be Faithless
The third chapter of Debbie Maken's Getting Serious About Getting Married deals with how marriage and singleness have been seen through history. It's true that there has been a major sea change in the last fifty years in the importance of marriage to couples, to the family unit and to society. Where was this starting point?
My first surprising discovery was that marriage was considered to be a solemn and necessary duty and commanded of all Christian men and women for, in the words of the 1662 Book of Common Prayer, the 'procreation of children' and as 'a remedy against sin'.
My first surprising discovery was that marriage was considered to be a solemn and necessary duty and commanded of all Christian men and women for, in the words of the 1662 Book of Common Prayer, the 'procreation of children' and as 'a remedy against sin'.
"We may be assured that man and woman should and must come together in order to multiply...For it is not a matter of free choice or decision but a natural and necessary thing, that whatever is a man must have a woman and whatever is a woman must have a man...Whenever men try to resist this, it remains irresistable nonetheless."
Martin Luther in "The Estate of Marriage" (1523)
This was supported by the teaching of the Longer Catechism of the Westminster Confession of Faith, based on Scriptural teaching in Proverbs 5:18, Malachi 2:14-15 and Joel 1:8.
Q138: What are the duties required in the 7th Commandment?
A138: ...marriage by those who have not the gift of continency...Q139: What are the sins forbidden in the 7th Commandment?
A139: ...prohibiting of lawful, and dispensing with unlawful marriages...entangling vows of single life, undue delay of marriage...
Marriage was thought to be preferable to singleness, with the Puritans exhorting spouses to look to each other "to be better fitted for God's service and bring them closer to God" because married life was "far more excellent than the condition of the single life."
Individuals, the church and society at large all had this duty to marry and to encourage the institution of marriage. This was shown in the laws and statutes that laid down the proper conditions for marriage and the value and protection that it commanded. Now we have a situation where marriage is being eroded as outdated and unnecessary and, rather than challenge these views, the church is going along with the rest of society.
Individuals, the church and society at large all had this duty to marry and to encourage the institution of marriage. This was shown in the laws and statutes that laid down the proper conditions for marriage and the value and protection that it commanded. Now we have a situation where marriage is being eroded as outdated and unnecessary and, rather than challenge these views, the church is going along with the rest of society.
Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.
Malachi 2:15
Labels: marriage, reading, singleness
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Wisdom of the Wise: Bertrand Russell
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to human happiness.
Bertrand Russell, British philsopher and mathematician (1872-1970)
Labels: marriage, quotations, singleness
Monday, August 14, 2006
Lead the Life that the Lord has Assigned
Continuing my book study, I have struggled with the latest chapter of Debbie Maken's book. Chapter 2 is entitled "What the Bible says about being single", but I am not sure if it really does say what she says it does.
The main focus for this chapter is first Jesus' teaching in Matthew 19:4-11. Martin Luther wrote that only those people who were physically unable to participate in marriage or who had received a special direction from God to be single were exempt from the creation ordinance of marriage so "apart from these groups, let no man presume to be without a spouse." Maken takes it another step further saying that "Being single without meeting the necessary criteria...is just as unbiblical as sexual activity outside marriage." Strong stuff, but I am not sure that she is justified in taking this point so far.
Paul's teaching in 1 Corinthians 7 is tackled too. I agree with her point that we have to take this passage and interpret it in light of the rest of Scripture, including Paul's own writings, where the importance and value of marriage is extolled.
Maken suggests that it was written for a particular situation faced by the Corinthian church so should not be used to form a complete 'policy' on marriage and singleness. It is difficult to know in what circumstances this letter was written. Commentators disagree on what the "present distress" might be. Some suggest that this refers to a particularly difficult period of famine and persecution faced by the Corinthian church, while others say this is the general trouble that comes with following the Lord.
John Calvin, in his commentary that "here you have two things worthy of observation. The first is, for what purpose celibacy is to be desired - not on its own account, nor on the ground of its being a state that is nearer to perfection, but that we may cleave to God without distraction - that being the one thing that a Christian man ought exclusively to look to during his whole life. The second thing is, that no snare must be put upon men's consciences, so as to keep back any one from marriage, but that every one must have liberty allowed him."
I am used to the subtle teaching within the church that there is almost a higher spiritual state achievable by single people, so I was interested to read this chapter. While I want to agree with her basic principles, I have real difficulty justifying this from Scripture. In the meantime, I will be again enouraged by Calvin who said, "the Apostle would wish those who are at present practicing chastity, to continue in it and persevere; but as they have no security for the continuance of the gift, he exhorts all to consider carefully what has been given them."
Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.
I Corinthians 7:17
The main focus for this chapter is first Jesus' teaching in Matthew 19:4-11. Martin Luther wrote that only those people who were physically unable to participate in marriage or who had received a special direction from God to be single were exempt from the creation ordinance of marriage so "apart from these groups, let no man presume to be without a spouse." Maken takes it another step further saying that "Being single without meeting the necessary criteria...is just as unbiblical as sexual activity outside marriage." Strong stuff, but I am not sure that she is justified in taking this point so far.
Paul's teaching in 1 Corinthians 7 is tackled too. I agree with her point that we have to take this passage and interpret it in light of the rest of Scripture, including Paul's own writings, where the importance and value of marriage is extolled.
Maken suggests that it was written for a particular situation faced by the Corinthian church so should not be used to form a complete 'policy' on marriage and singleness. It is difficult to know in what circumstances this letter was written. Commentators disagree on what the "present distress" might be. Some suggest that this refers to a particularly difficult period of famine and persecution faced by the Corinthian church, while others say this is the general trouble that comes with following the Lord.
John Calvin, in his commentary that "here you have two things worthy of observation. The first is, for what purpose celibacy is to be desired - not on its own account, nor on the ground of its being a state that is nearer to perfection, but that we may cleave to God without distraction - that being the one thing that a Christian man ought exclusively to look to during his whole life. The second thing is, that no snare must be put upon men's consciences, so as to keep back any one from marriage, but that every one must have liberty allowed him."I am used to the subtle teaching within the church that there is almost a higher spiritual state achievable by single people, so I was interested to read this chapter. While I want to agree with her basic principles, I have real difficulty justifying this from Scripture. In the meantime, I will be again enouraged by Calvin who said, "the Apostle would wish those who are at present practicing chastity, to continue in it and persevere; but as they have no security for the continuance of the gift, he exhorts all to consider carefully what has been given them."
Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.
I Corinthians 7:17
Labels: marriage, reading, singleness
Monday, August 07, 2006
Consider Your Ways: Question 2
What's the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?
This is such a difficult one for me. My heart is torn in two. I want to be a woman of noble character, but I also want to be a wife of noble character. It is one of my deepest desire and the idea of not being a wife and mother sometimes breaks my heart.
In all this, I have to be wary. Has this become an idol? Is this desire more important to me that my relationship with God?
As a result of all this turmoil inside my head and heart, I have refrained from directly praying about this issue, too worried that it would show a lack of faith or discontentment in my situation. Through my current reading though, I'm wondering if I have made a mistake here. So I am going to pray boldly, asking that the Lord will bring my husband into my life, but also more importantly that he will work me more and more into the likeness of that woman of noble character so I will be ready to be a wife and mother, whether or not he plans for me to be married.
Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him, and he will act.
Psalm 37:4-5
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him, and he will act.
Psalm 37:4-5
Labels: biblical womanhood, consider your ways, marriage, singleness
Monday, July 31, 2006
It is Not Good that the Man should be Alone
I have mentioned that I have started to read the controversial book, "Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness" by Deborah Maken in a previous post. Perhaps I can share some of my thoughts here as I read through it.
Chapter One deals with "What the Bible says about marriage". There is nothing much contentious here, but it is always good to remind ourselves of why God did create marriage when he could have arranged things differently.
- Marriage reflects God's glory, as the union of male and female and as a reflection of the relationship between the Persons of the Godhead and of Christ and his Church on earth.
- Marriage keeps us from feeling lonely. Even despite the close and unblemished relationship with God that Adam initially had, God was still concerned that Adam needed a helper and a companion on earth.
- Marriage gives meaning to work. Maken says that "God designed work as a way for us to make an inheritance for our children." I'm not sure that I agree that this is the only purpose of work, but it certainly answers my feelings of demotivation when I wonder if "this is it" for the next forty years of my working life. I have a vocation, yet still struggle with my motivation for my career when inside I am burdened with deep desires to marry and raise up a family.
- Marriage was designed for the procreation of children, people in the image of God. Studies now have shown that children do better with parents in a marriage relationship than if they were cohabiting or single. This reinforces to the world that God's plan really is the best.
I really do believe that God does know best and has all his plans "for wholeness and not for evil", plans to give me a future and a hope. But there is another part of me where Satan knows to attack that just wonders if God is hiding some good gift from me - yet it is a gift that I believe he has set a desire for in my heart. One of my deepest desires is to be married and have a family. I feel content now where I am, but the thought of being in this same situation for the next forty years sometimes breaks my heart. So it is a relief to hear from this author that these feelings are not wrong, but in fact reflect God's intended plan for our lives.
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."Genesis 2:18
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Bring the Books!
I love reading. I always have done. I just gobble books up! From Enid Blyton and CS Lewis, to Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte, to JK Rowling and Alexandre Dumas...from JI Packer and Paul Brand, to Saint Augustine and Thomas Aquinas, to Helen Roseveare and George Herbert - a random selection from the piles of books that surround me reflecting an electic collection! I try to read a wide variety of books from all sorts of writers on all sorts of topics to inform, educate and challenge me. But with my tendency to read quickly and my limited time, I maybe don't spend as much time as I should pondering.
With this in mind, I have decided to start a new habit. Inspired by a good friend who does this, I have decided to read my next book with my notebook in my lap and my pen in my hand. I am going to try to take time each day to sit and read slowly, savouring the words and the ideas, jotting down useful sentences and adding my own questions and thoughts to it.
As for the next book? Well, it is one which has been greeted by such controversy! I've read so many articles by people I respect either praising or denouncing the author for her ideas. "Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness" by Deborah Maken challenges the prevailing view of the Evangelical church that singleness is a 'gift from God', saying instead that it is unnatural and goes as far to say that it is actually unbiblical and against God's plan!
It was given to me by a friend who wanted to know my thoughts on it. I did my usual quick readthrough and found myself wavering on where to stand - I think there is a lot of truth in there but I felt that sometimes she took things too far. So let's see if the notes help to clarify or clutter my mind! In the meantime, see what some others thought: Camerin Courtney, Tim Challies, Candice Z Watters
The man who never reads will never be read; he who never quotes will never be quoted. He who will not use the thoughts of other men's brains, proves that he has no brains of his own. Brethren, what is true of ministers is true of all people. You need to read ... Paul cries, "Bring the books" -- join in the cry.
Charles Hadden Spurgeon (1832-1894)
With this in mind, I have decided to start a new habit. Inspired by a good friend who does this, I have decided to read my next book with my notebook in my lap and my pen in my hand. I am going to try to take time each day to sit and read slowly, savouring the words and the ideas, jotting down useful sentences and adding my own questions and thoughts to it.
As for the next book? Well, it is one which has been greeted by such controversy! I've read so many articles by people I respect either praising or denouncing the author for her ideas. "Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness" by Deborah Maken challenges the prevailing view of the Evangelical church that singleness is a 'gift from God', saying instead that it is unnatural and goes as far to say that it is actually unbiblical and against God's plan!It was given to me by a friend who wanted to know my thoughts on it. I did my usual quick readthrough and found myself wavering on where to stand - I think there is a lot of truth in there but I felt that sometimes she took things too far. So let's see if the notes help to clarify or clutter my mind! In the meantime, see what some others thought: Camerin Courtney, Tim Challies, Candice Z Watters
The man who never reads will never be read; he who never quotes will never be quoted. He who will not use the thoughts of other men's brains, proves that he has no brains of his own. Brethren, what is true of ministers is true of all people. You need to read ... Paul cries, "Bring the books" -- join in the cry.
Charles Hadden Spurgeon (1832-1894)
Labels: marriage, reading, singleness
