While I don't wish to turn this blog into posts all about "a nice story about going to the supermarket then relating it back to a Christian theme", I've been away quite a bit this week, so there is quite a bit of news to tell you!

I spent Friday recording my first CD! We only sing unaccompanied psalms in my denomination, so a few years ago, the psalms were retranslated into more modern English than the 1650 Scottish Psalter. To help our precentors (who lead the singing) and the congregation learn to sing these, we are making a CD of these psalms. It was so exciting to hear the recording - it sounds like it was done in a proper studio when it was really done in a friend's living room with duvets hanging around me to muffle background noise! I'll let you know when it comes out...

On Saturday, my little sister got engaged to her boyfriend. They were always planning on getting married from before she became pregnant, but it is good that he's making an honest women of her! We used to fight so much, so it has been great to have become such great friends as adults. It was so touching when she asked me to be her bridesmaid.

I've been away the last few days for my first job interview down in Cambridge. My interview was first thing in the morning, so I had the evening before and the rest of the day to wander around admiring the university colleges. (I noticed that one of the churches held a Goth Eucharist every fortnight advertising that it included "candles, incense and contemporary music for goths"!) I went to Evensong at King's College and heard the world famous choir. The interview itself was fine - once they had found my application form!

Finally (and I hope that Sherrin will forgive me stealing her photo from the blog for this), congratulations to Dave and Sherrin on their engagement! It has been lovely to get to her and to see their relationship blossom.

My post on Mark Driscoll's Death by Ministry provoked a bit of debate on the other side of the world with Sherrin and Phil getting into some conversation. It certainly was not meant to discourage men from going into the ministry or women from marrying them! It was just to remind us of the pressures our pastors are under and what we can do to help that, as well as offering advice to any of us who are busy.

As I said to Sherrin, several of my friends have said, "I'm never going to marry a minister" and married nice men who then, a few years down the line, felt they were called to the ministry. They are all minister's daughters - is there a connection?

I think there must be many wonderful things about growing up as a child of the manse, as we would say in Scotland. I see the Christian maturity of my friends whose fathers are ministers, because of the Bible teaching they have received, the other ministers and missionaries they have met and learned from, and the practical examples of Christian service, hospitality and fellowship.

A couple of books that friends recommended to me as a minister friend of mine and I were considering courtship were Who'd be a Minister's Wife by Heather Tinker and We're in this Together: Living with Leadership by Celia Bowring. If you are heading down that line, I can commend them both to you.

He established a testimony in Jacob
and appointed a law in Israel,
which he commanded our fathers
to teach to their children.
Psalm 78:5

I think most people visiting here would agree that a couple living together before marriage is a bad idea. (If you don't agree, we can chat about about that another day.).

My question for this weekend though is: what do you do when relatives or friends who are living together visit? Do you just give them the spare room? Or could that be seen as a tacit approval of their relationship? What is the loving way to deal with this? What about if they have a child? Surely it is daft (and, at worst, harmful to your relationship with them) to ask them to sleep in separate rooms?

As I ponder this, I can't come up with the best answer, so this is all just thinking out loud. Ideally, they would offer to sleep in separate rooms out of respect for your beliefs. It's not as if I have an adundance of spare rooms either and would need to ask one of them to sleep on the floor in the living room! What is the best thing to do? What have you done in this situation?

I'll give you a few days to give me your words of wisdom and to ponder it a bit more before trying to formulate an answer.

Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Hebrews 13:4

It's taken me a long time to write this and even longer to decide to post it, so please take your time to read these first paragraphs before moving on to the rest.

If I'm honest, the only reason this will be published is that none of my family knows this blog exists. I don't write this dwelling in pity or looking for sympathy and I hope that your comments will reflect that. It was only through speaking to a Christian friend that I realised that others did feel this way even if nobody openly admits it. Instead I want to share part of my experience that I know others have faced, but I've never seen others write about it in the hope that it might help others in a similar position.

When I discovered that my little sister was pregnant, my very first reaction was not of joy or excitement but of pain. (There - I've said it. What do you think of me now?)

Why did I (and, as I was so thankful to discover, along with others) feel the pain of a burning skewer suddenly stabbing my heart? One part of it might be as the eldest daughter, I feel in some way that the first grandchild was my 'responsibility'. No-one in my family seems to realise that the little jokes that "She's beaten you to it" actually cause me pain.

Another aspect is my strong desire to be a wife and mother with no present opportunity to fulfill that. I have friends who are married who have struggled terribly with this as they try unsuccessfully to have children as everyone else around them seems to be having no difficulties. It makes me sad too that the birth of this child is not the completely joyous event that it should be. The emotions of our family have ranged from shock, anger, disappointment, concern and worry as much as joy, delight and excitement that a new baby will be born.

So how should we react to this? After discussion with girlfriends, it seems that the most helpful thing is to just sit quietly and pray without giving advice, rather like Job's friends did in the beginning (Job 2:11-13). Platitudes don't help and probably just serve to increase the guilt and shame of feeling like this. I don't know how to help women in this situation, so, remembering my thoughts in the second paragraph, I would appreciate your wisdom.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the LORD!
Psalm 27:14

Until a few weeks ago, 'Aunt' was just an honorary title. However, on my travels, I have appear to have collected a few adopted neices and nephews so I enjoyed Carolyn McCulley's recent articles on Tradition and Tea Parties and Creating Aunt Traditions. A fellow Christian single, she said:

One of the aspects of parenthood that I've most envied are the "memory-making" events--the little traditions that create a special family intimacy. Last year, I decided to test the water with my oldest niece to see if she would respond to an aunt-bonding activity.

As you can see in the photo, my oldest honorary neice is only little, but I also seem to have adopted honorary little sisters along the way. Sometimes they are girls I've met and become friends with through the youth group. Sometimes they are girls who don't have a big sister and want someone a bit older to speak to who is not a relative and who perhaps is a bit more neutral. (It is sometimes easier to 'take advice' from a friend than it is to be told what to do by a parent, even when they are saying exactly the same thing!)

(As an aside, I've found that MSN Messenger has been so important for teen ministry. They all spend time chatting to each other on the internet and want to be able to chat with their leaders. Because they can't see you, they then will really start pouring their hearts out and bearing their souls on all sorts of issues.)

I see it as part of the Titus 2 relationship except, this time, we are the older women doing the teaching. We can use these special times to invest in these young lives, supporting them through difficult teenager years with all the changes and trials that brings, guiding them in their faith and life decisions. It is such a privilege to be in their confidence so it is important to be able to consistently spend time and energy with them and praying for them, so that they know their importance in our lives.

Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, "I have no pleasure in them".
Ecclesiastes 12:1

I've got some news I've wanted to share with you for a few weeks: my little sister is pregnant!



Admittedly, she is not as little as I think she is. In my head, she is about 14 and still at school, but is really 23 and a great nurse. (Sometimes I come to review diabetic patients on her ward. It's a bit weird doing a ward round with her, but she really is one of the best nurses I deal with.)

We are only two and a half years apart and, until we both left home, used to fight like cat and dog. I remember the day she was born, but probably only because I was very upset to have lost my little red Porsche when we visited them in the hospital! She still brings up in arguments that I bit her when she was just a few weeks old!

Thankfully, things have changed a lot since then and we have become such good friends. She thinks I am in some sort of religious cult because I don't just leave religion for Sundays, but equally enjoys coming to church with me and meeting all my friends when she visits. I am honoured to have been the first to know she was pregnant two minutes after she had taken the test.

They have only been going out with each other for about six months and living together for the last three months, so there is concern for them all mixed in with all the excitement. If you have just a little time as you visit here, please pray for her, her unborn baby and her boyfriend.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Psalm 127:3

This week's Carnival of Beauty, hosted by Autumn Rain, celebrates the Beauty of Salvation. I have shared some of my own testimony before, but want to share a story of salvation from my own family that is particularly precious to us at Christmas.

As a family, we never went to church. My mother was so against Christianity that, when she found out that I went to a Scripture Union club at primary school, she forbade to go again! For me, it had been a fun way to spend a lunchtime but nothing else more spiritual.

At secondary school, I discovered a love and talent for singing. I sang in school choirs and school musicals, taking part in competitions against other schools, and singing solos at concerts and carol services. My singing teacher then suggested joining a church choir.

I wasn't going to that church for the teaching, so it didn't matter that the minister didn't believe in the deity of Christ, the virgin birth, the inerrancy of the Bible or the truth of the miracles. However I began to read the Bible. I'm not sure when exactly I became a Christian - it was more like a gradual dawning. I was in the middle of it before I had realised that I had started!

Throughout all of this, I was still singing in the choir. On Christmas Eve 1998, I was to sing a solo in the Watchnight Service. My parents had decided that this was all a 'religious' phase that I would soon grow out of but they would come to hear me whenever I was singing a solo.

That evening, we had a blazing argument. I haven't a clue what it was about now, but I'm sure there was crying, shouting and probably door slamming! (I am ashamed to admit this, but offer it to show what God worked from!) They said they would not come to see me sing so I stomped out of the house and went to church myself.

A strange thing happened at home that night. For some reason, my parents, my very anti-religion parents, my atheist parents, decided they would go to church anyway and, late that night, walked up the hill to the local church. They went to the service, then the following Sunday went back and kept on going back.

By God's wonderful providence, the minister there was a Christian and preached the Bible faithfully. That night, he shared the truth of the Christmas story that did not leave Jesus as a helpless babe in a manger but that explained why that baby came and how, through him, people could have their sins forgiven and have eternal life.

My parents heard and believed God's word and became Christians. It has been wonderful to see the transformation in their lives and in my family. It is such a blessing to go home and to be able to talk of God's goodness and to share Christian fellowship. They are both so involved in that church now, with my father even becoming an elder last year. I am so thankful to God for how he has brought them to a living faith and for the outworking of their salvation.

May we shout for joy over your salvation,
and in the name of our God set up our banners!
May the Lord fulfill all your petitions!
Psalm 20:5

As part of this week's Carnival of Beauty on the Beauty of Reaching Out, I wonder if I can share a little about wonderful friends of mine and their example in reaching out to people.

I was converted through reading the Bible at the age of 17 having had no church background. Sadly, I started attending a church where the minister did not preach the Gospel, did not believe in the deity of Christ and did not believe that the Bible was the inerrant word of God. I was so confused - which bits of the Bible were true and which bits were just stories? Which bits were purely cultural? Some of it was clearly just stories. Wasn't it...?

A friend invited me to her church one evening just for a change. I just remember being so amazed that the preacher seemed to believe the whole Bible and that the service was so focused on God - we prayed to God, sang to God, read God's word, and listened to God's word being explained. I don't think I met them that day - I don't even remember when or where I first met them properly. I would never guessed that that preacher and his wife would become such close friends and probably the most influential people in my life.

I was so confused with really very dodgy theology, but they took the time to listen to me, to pray with me and to explain God's word. No question was too daft for them. They welcomed me into their home and treated me like one of the family to the point that I made my own cups of tea and was present for family arguments!

Joking aside, I don't know if they realise how important that was in itself. I come from a family where healthy conflict resolution is not a strong point! To see them argue, yet still be loving and respectful to each other, is such a good lesson for how I want to act when I disagree with my husband and children. They were humble, gentle and patient with me, even when I had difficulties understanding things, and rejoiced as I came to know the Bible more and more and for the true and living word that it is.

I have learned and grown so much talking to them and watching them. I really hope that I can share their example of love in action to others, reaching out to people on the periphery and demonstrating compassion practically and spiritually. I know that I would not be where I am now spiritually if it wasn't for them. Praise God for his mercy and kindness and for the love of his people.

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love
Ephesians 4:1-2

It's been a while since I last shared my reading of "Getting Serious about Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness", so I want to return to looking at it, given all its controversies.

In the fourth chapter, Debbie Maken makes the point that there is a lack of male leadership in family, schools, society and the church. Men are told to "Have fun, live for the moment, don't answer to anyone, and always leave your options open." Men are being supported in "second childhoods" and as "perennial students", with all that that lifestyle entails.

As a young successful professional woman, often I feel this success is blamed for my singleness. It is perceived as a bad thing to be female, successful and financially self-sufficient. Maken says that "in Western culture, we often equate a woman's lack of economic need to be married to a desire of not wanting to be married."

Why has this changed in little over a generation? She blames "an education system that allows and promotes indefinite leadership, a lack of leadership in the home, and a lack of leadership within the church."

I have to agree with her. But what can be done about it? The church needs to take a more active role in teaching the Biblical view of manhood, womanhood and the family. Parents need to look to Scripture for guidance and teaching on biblical roles, and then to demonstrate them in their own family and to teach them to their children. I'm not sure what can be done about the schooling system, where are certainly problems with teaching male leadership in schools, which has caused an inappropriate expression of manhood through aggression. After a conversation with a friend who plans on homeschooling his children, I am perhaps (to my surprise) moving towards that idea. This is however a subject for another day!

For I have chosen [Abraham], that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring to Abraham what he has promised him."
Genesis 18:19

I really enjoyed reading Sherrin's post on Titus this week. One sentence struck me:

All women can be homemakers no matter what their current work situation is. However, creating a welcoming home for our families and communities does take time and effort. This means that it is reasonable to conclude that at some times in our lives, particularly when there are young children at home, it will be necessary to cut back on paid work in order to fulfill this calling.

I completely agree with her. I have long said that should I get married, I would want to stay at home with the children. However, this started another train of thought...

I have such a busy job and spend a lot of time at work. Now I did know that life was going to be like this when I decided that I wanted to be a doctor and I can't claim to have been pulled in unawares! With all its demands though, it is so hard to keep my house on top of work commitments, never mind added to my church work, friends, family, and recreation. I do love my work - I find it fascinating and fulfilling - but my priorities have changed.

I really don't think that my job (as it stands at the moment) could not be compatible with a happy marriage. I could "have it all" - get married, have children, work full-time, get a cleaner to do the housework, put the children to daycare. I have plenty of friends and colleagues who do this, but that's not the wife, the mother or the doctor I wish to be. So it brings me to a conclusion that surprised me: if, God willing, I get married, should I give up my job and be a full-time homemaker to and for my husband, even before having children?

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
Genesis 2:18

What's one thing you could do this year to enrich the spiritual legacy you will leave to your children and grandchildren?

I don't have any children or grandchildren yet, but I very much hope that I will have some in the future! I thought for a little while that I could get away with not answering this question, but I do think that it is something that I should be thinking about, even if there is nothing explicitly to do with children right now.

I am going to find a beautiful notebook then start making a concerted effort to write down some of my prayers. In months and years to come, I will be able to look back and see how God has answered these prayers. While I know that every prayer is answered in some way, even if it is not the way I would have liked, I would like to look back and remember what I prayed for and how God worked. Hopefully, I will then be able to share the story of God's mercy, grace and guidance in my life to my children and grandchildren.

Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children - how on the day that you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, the LORD said to me, 'Gather the people to me, that I may let them hear my words, so that they may learn to fear me all the days that they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children so.'

Deuteronomy 4:9-10